Feeling Lost in Motherhood? Here’s How I Found “Me” Again
You know that moment when someone asks, “What do you like to do for fun?” and all you can think of is… kids? Work? That’s it. That’s the list.
I remember sitting with that question and realizing that I had no idea who I was outside of being a mom. It wasn’t a sudden realization; it was a slow build. A slow unraveling of parts of myself that I hadn’t even noticed were slipping away. I was caught up in the everyday—pouring into my kids, working full-time, keeping a business afloat. I didn’t have time to think about who I was—I was just trying to keep up.
And then, there were the jeans.
I’ll never forget shopping for new jeans post-kids. I went to so many stores, tried on so many pairs, and hated every. single. one. Not just because of how they fit (or didn’t), but because I didn’t even know my style anymore. What fit me? What did I even like?
That’s when it hit me—I had no idea who the person in the mirror was anymore. But in that moment, I was committed to figuring it out. And little by little, I started finding pieces of myself again.
The Identity Shift of Motherhood
Being a mom is the most challenging, yet rewarding job I’ve ever had. I vividly remember the moment I became a mom—the moment my son was placed on my chest, the moment four hours of unmedicated back labor melted away, and my heart expanded in ways I never imagined. I loved being a mom. I fully embraced my new title. I wore spit-up-stained t-shirts with pride, and I couldn’t wait to continue growing our family. Then, we had our daughter, and again, my heart grew in ways I didn’t think were possible. However, somewhere between growing our family and navigating the nap schedules, feeding routines, and everything in between, things started to feel different.
It’s hard to remember the exact moment I knew I had lost myself. Somewhere in between the sea of responsibilities—working full-time, running a business on the side, trying to manage it all while also attempting to take care of myself—everything just became too much. So I started putting everything else first. My kids, my job, my business. They became deep parts of my identity and remain so, but somewhere along the way, I started to feel lost.
The things I once found fun no longer felt enjoyable. The people I used to connect with and call when I needed a friend seemed so far away. The clothes I used to wear just didn’t feel like me anymore.
It started to feel like a full-on identity crisis. In the depths of my mind, I questioned everything. There were moments I thought I was just imagining it. You’re still the same person—it’s just the season of life, I’d tell myself. But no matter how hard I tried to suppress these feelings, they just kept coming back.
When I entered my last year of my 20s, I decided it was time to start exploring what they might mean for me. That’s actually when Our Hidden Hive was born—in the middle of chaos, with little to no direction in sight.
I still had a lot on my plate at the time. I didn’t set goals. I didn’t make commitments. I just decided to be more intentional. Every time I went somewhere, did something, or saw someone, I made a point to notice how the experience made me feel—how the person’s energy changed mine.
To be honest, it got worse before it got better. There was a lot of deep internal work. Nearly three-quarters through the year, I still felt like a stranger inside myself. But then, as life slowed down and my 30th birthday approached, I decided I was going to enter my 30s on a journey to rediscover myself after becoming a mom. I was going to peel back the layers to who I was evolving to be. What I learned was that rediscovering myself wasn’t about reinventing who I was; it was about noticing myself again.
Alongside feeling lost emotionally, I also found myself wrestling with how I felt in my body. The physical changes of motherhood, combined with the mental load, made me feel disconnected from myself in more ways than one. I dive into more of that in this post about body image as a mom.
5 Things I Did to Rediscover Myself After Motherhood
If you’ve ever felt like you’ve lost yourself in motherhood, know this—you’re still there. Beneath the routines, responsibilities, and “What’s for dinner?” thoughts, you’re still you. You don’t need to become someone new. You just need to reconnect with yourself again.
Here’s what helped me:
Purged My Closet (And My Expectations)
The jeans were just the start. I realized that so many of the clothes in my closet weren’t for the life I actually had—they were for a version of myself I wasn’t anymore. So I let them go. I got rid of the things that didn’t fit, didn’t reflect me, or didn’t make me feel good. And in the process, I gave myself permission to embrace where I am now instead of waiting for “someday.”
Got Out of My Comfort Zone
I signed up for a sourdough class (shoutout to Amanda from Heartbeet Kitchen)—knowing no one. I’ve always loved scratch cooking, and something about sourdough sounded therapeutic to me. So I went. I was nervous, but I did it anyway, and it was one of the best things I’ve done for myself. It reignited my love for cooking and reminded me that I still love learning new things. This was honestly so healing for me.
Curious about taking classes, but not sure where to start? I started making a list of things I have always been curious about, but never actually tried, mostly as a reminder so when the opportunity presents itself I’m not afraid to say yes. Grab my free list of ideas here.
Prioritized My Physical Health
I’ve seen firsthand how movement strengthens not just my body, but my mind. My overall wellness has always been important to me, but I had become inconsistent over time. Once I set out on this journey, my only goal was to be consistent—no pressure, no expectations, just movement. Some days that meant a 10-minute walk, and other days it meant lifting weights or stretching before bed. It wasn’t about aesthetics or chasing a number on a scale; it was about feeling strong in my own body again. Over time, I noticed a shift—not just physically, but mentally. I felt more confident, more energized, and more in control of my well-being. Exercise became less about obligation and more about self-care, proving to me that movement is one of the most powerful tools for reconnecting with myself.
Paid Attention to the Little Things
Instead of focusing on the stress and chaos, I started practicing gratitude daily. I noticed the little moments—the laughter, the small wins, the memories being made in between the mess. Motherhood can be overwhelming, but shifting my mindset has helped me appreciate it more fully. Fun fact – one of my best performing Instagram posts was written about this – we were headed out for a walk on our property when I forgot my mittens, I ran back inside and what I saw instead made me pause: watch it here.
Created Space to Just Be Me
I started saying “yes” less so I could reconnect with myself more. Instead of filling my schedule, I made space—space to be present with my family, space to sit with my own thoughts, space to think about what I wanted next in life. This gave me time for walks on our land, personal projects, and honestly… time to reset my nervous system. In a world that glorifies busyness, I’ve also come to appreciate the beauty of boredom. Instead of filling every moment with activities and distractions, I allow myself the luxury of simply being. It’s in these quiet moments of solitude that I can reflect, introspect, and connect with my innermost thoughts and desires.
The Power of Embracing the Journey
I’ve been reading 101 Essays That Will Change the Way You Think, and recently, one of the essays discussed uncomfortable feelings that indicate you’re on the right path. Among many others, these three thoughts stood out to me and left me with a deep sense of comfort:
- Feeling lost or directionless
- Feeling unsure of who you really are
- Recognizing how far you still have to go
While I believe we’re always on a journey, we never fully arrive at where we want to go or who we want to be—because as humans, we are meant to continuously evolve. Instead of fearing these feelings, I’m learning to embrace them as signs of growth. Rediscovering myself isn’t about reaching a final destination; it’s about staying open to the process and allowing myself the space to become who I’m meant to be.
You’re Still in There
The hardest part of this journey wasn’t finding things to do—it was giving myself permission to focus on me. To accept that I could love being a mom while also needing to nurture my own identity. To realize that taking time for myself didn’t mean I was neglecting my family—it meant I was showing up as the best version of me for them.
So if you feel a little lost, just know this—you’re still there. You’re not starting over, you’re just coming back to yourself.
What’s one thing you’ve done (or want to do) to reconnect with yourself? Let me know in the comments—I’d love to hear your story!